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  1. Why did the guy try to avoid eye surgery by rubbing ketchup in his eyes?  He had heard that Heinz sight was 20/20.
  2. Patient: “Doc, I get a stabbing pain in my eye every time I take a sip of coffee."  Doctor: “Have you tried taking the spoon out of the mug?"
  3. What do you call a penguin with no eye?  A pengun!
  4. At what elevation is your vision the best?  See Level.
  5. Why don’t optometrists use tape measures?  They’re really good at eyeballing it.
  6. What did the eyeball say to the eyelid?  "I wish you wouldn't keep me in the dark!"
  7. Why did the pirate walk into the bar?  He had his patch on the wrong eye.
  8. Cop: “Let me know if you see the suspect with one eye.” Bystander: “I already saw him run that way, but I was using both my eyes.”
  9. Man 1: “I stopped seeing my girlfriend two days ago.”  Man 2: “Really?  What happened?” Man 1: “She accidentally poked me in the eyes.”
  10. Woman 1: “I used to date a man with a lazy eye.”  Woman 2: “Why did you stop?”  Woman 1: “He was seeing someone on the side.”
  11. Patient: “Doc, my eyes are really dry.”  Eye Doctor: “Here, smell this onion.”  Patient: “That made me cry!”  Eye Doctor: “Great, I pulled out the onion to make you moist-your-eyes.”
  12. How are your eye doctor and your teacher the same?  They both spend their days testing pupils!

There are many things that can cause your eye to turn red.

The eye looks red when the blood vessels that are in the conjunctiva (the mucous membrane that covers the white of your eye and the backside of your eyelids) becomes dilated.

Those blood vessels often dilate when the eye gets irritated. This irritation can originate from a problem occurring inside the eye or factors from outside the eye.

The most common external factors that can cause the eye to become red are exposure to infectious organisms (mostly viruses and bacteria), environmental irritants (smoke, chemicals, sunlight), or allergens.

Infectious organisms can cause infectious conjunctivitis, or what is more commonly referred to as “pink eye.” This condition often presents with the eye being red and a mucous discharge being produced, often to such a degree that the eyelids are crusted over upon awaking in the morning. Infectious conjunctivitis can be extremely contagious and it is often advised that you severely limit your exposure to others while the problem is active. Infectious conjunctivitis caused by bacteria can be treated with antibiotic eye drops but viral conjunctivitis currently has no treatment and must run its course like the common cold.

Environmental irritants can make the eye look red for a short period of time during and immediately after exposure. The irritation is usually self-limited but may resolve more quickly with the use of over-the-counter lubricating drops or artificial tears. It is very important to understand exactly which irritant you were exposed to because there are some chemicals (acids and bases) that can cause extreme damage to the eye. So if you’re exposed to a caustic chemical you need to immediately rinse your eye out with water and seek emergency medical attention.

Allergens can cause allergic conjunctivitis, which can look very similar to pink eye but usually has significantly less mucous discharge and is usually accompanied by fairly severe itching. Allergic conjunctivitis is not contagious and can usually be treated with anti-allergy eye drops.

Infectious and allergic conjunctivitis can cause mild discomfort and itching but they rarely cause significant pain or loss of vision. A red eye with significant pain, especially when accompanied by severe light sensitivity and vision loss, often indicates more significant problems such as iritis, angle closure glaucoma or a corneal ulcer, all of which require immediate medical attention. If your eye is red and there is significant pain do not assume you have pink eye--see your eye doctor immediately!

 

Article contributed by Dr. Brian Wnorowski, M.D.

This blog provides general information and discussion about eye health and related subjects. The words and other content provided in this blog, and in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice. If the reader or any other person has a medical concern, he or she should consult with an appropriately licensed physician. The content of this blog cannot be reproduced or duplicated without the express written consent of Eye IQ.